


you construct intricate rituals

by typical_art_dork



Category: American Vandal, American Vandal (TV)
Genre: Gay Panic, Group chat, M/M, gay humor, i wrote this out of spite and i intend to keep writing it, netflix is boo boo the fool, peter and sam love each other, post-se2 but still set in their senior year, tagging?? don't know her, text fic, this show deserved better send tweet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-20 08:20:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19989013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/typical_art_dork/pseuds/typical_art_dork
Summary: nohomo: any wa ynohomo: so we decided to sneak up to the school and just like. fuckin cover EVERYTHING in the teachers lounge in jello. that shit was insane, like we all made a shitload of it at home and took it there in the back of my truck. everyones gonna lose it tomorrow lmaopaldonado: I'm-paldonado: Ifearlessjournalist: take ur time petepaldonado: .fearlessjournalist: well i for one am Not Surprised :/





	1. the jello jesters

**Author's Note:**

> also for the purpose of writing integrity i ripped the "paldonado" user from this really cute fic called "What Would Peter Do?" by Talar & i just wanted to give them credit for that adorable pun lol pls check their work out!!

you construct intricate rituals, 3:07 a.m.

peter: Alright, I'm half-awake as a result of a redbull-induced all-nighter and I'd just like to ask,,, which one of you bitches changed the chat name. Thank you and have a nice night. Also fuck whoever did it; I'm having flashbacks to the case video Sam made for me. Jesus Christ.

fearlessjournalist: hjsnshsjk pe t e

peter: What? 

peter: Also why are you awake it's three in the morning!! Go to sleep idiot!

gaybi: hi hello yes why the FRESH FUCK are you disasters texting rn you're both on thin fucking ice

gaybi: i have a calculus exam tomorrow you useless thots

peter: You mean today.

gaybi: FUCK

fearlessjournalist: i changed the chat name As A Joke please dont kill me,,,

fearlessjournalist: also your username is so basic ugh

fearlessjournalist has changed peter's username to paldonado

paldonado: The originality,,, the creativity,,, unparalleled. Sam, you're a literary genius.

gaybi: i love when you can hear his sarcasm through the screen, feels good feels organic

fearlessjournalist: also peter has no right to shame me for being up when He Is Also Awake,,, the HYPOCRISY

nohomo: hey pete can you send the chem hw?? i SWEAR i would have done it but the wayback boys convinced me to help them with the whole jello thing so i didn't have time lmao

paldonado: Uh, yeah?

paldonado: Also,,, what jello thing? 

nohomo: oh shit i forgot you guys didnt know hahah

gaybi has muted the chat

fearlessjournalist: f

fearlessjournalist: also dylan pls expalin 

paldonado: "Expalin"

fearlessjournalist: shut up >:(

fearlessjournalist: ur capitalization & the fact that you put it in quotes ruins it anyway

paldonado: Alright, valid.

paldonado: Dylan, explain.

fearlessjournalist: ^^ im scared

nohomo: alright alright fine.. so you guys know the teachers lounge?? 

fearlessjournalist: what the fuck did you do

paldonado: Shit,,

nohomo: so we were thinking we could pull off a senior prank separate from what the rest of our grade is doing cause like, we have a legacy and a reputation and shit

nohomo: like, we really had to go big

paldonado: Hold that thought I'm taking an aspirin because I know this shit is gonna give me a tension headache

fearlessjournalist: pete gets secondhand anxiety for you guys all the time lmao rip

fearlessjournalist: do u have ur inhaler too in case hearing whatever dumbassery the wb boys are up to makes u lose ur shit like last time?

paldonado: Yea

fearlessjournalist: ok just making sure 

nohomo: (eyes emoji)

nohomo: any wa y 

nohomo: so we decided to sneak up to the school and just like. fuckin cover EVERYTHING in the teachers lounge in jello. that shit was insane, like we all made a shitload of it at home and took it there in the back of my truck. everyones gonna lose it tomorrow lmao

paldonado: I'm-

paldonado: I

fearlessjournalist: take ur time pete

paldonado: .

fearlessjournalist: well i for one am Not Surprised :/

paldonado: Dylan you exhaust me. What The Fuck. 

fearlessjournalist: ^that too im definitely feeling that vibe tonight

nohomo: no its fine cause its a senior prank!!! you can use that to justify anything :D

paldonado: No,,,,, you ca n ' T

fearlessjournalist: dylan u broke him lol

fearlessjournalist: peter,,, sweetheart,,,, light of my life,,,,, are u good 

paldonado: No. I have a video to edit and a friend to yell at and I'm Extremely Tired so I can't do either hsjnshsk

nohomo: thelounge.jpeg

paldonado: Jesus Christ.

paldonado has muted the chat

fearlessjournalist: damn, it really be like that :/

fearlessjournalist: a n y w h o,,,

fearlessjournalist: send more pictures!

nohomo: theloungebutfromaslightlyhigherangle.jpeg

fearlessjournalist: HELL YEAH

\--

be gay, solve crime, 3:28 a.m.

sammy: hey dude just checking in bc youve been stretching yourself kinda thin lately and i know dylan must've stressed u out tonight :( are you okay?

pete: Yeah, everything's fine. 

sammy: peter...

pete: I'm being honest. 

pete: I swear.

sammy: to put it delicately, that's bullshit

sammy: the circles under your eyes beg to differ sir

pete: I. I mean, what do you want me to tell you? That things are great and I'm not stressed and I don't hate pulling all-nighters?? 

sammy: i want you to tell me if you need help or someone to talk to, pete. i care about you and i'm not gonna pretend i haven't noticed how tired you've looked lately..

pete: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm gonna try to go to sleep now.

sammy: hey hey hey

sammy: no

sammy: just please let me help you dude this isn't healthy

pete: It just feels like I'm never doing enough anymore. Like maybe I peaked w Vandal and I'll never measure up to it ever again. 

pete: And I know it's great and we did a good job on it clearly but I feel like if that's my one contribution, like, what do I do now?

sammy: holy shit

sammy: peter. dude. i know you and i know vandal isn't even half of what you can do. you have so many opportunities now and you're gonna make like critically acclaimed movies someday and i'm gonna be cheering you on the entire time. 

sammy: i mean like assuming we haven't brutally murdered each other out of spite before we get into college

pete: Hi hello yes 911 I'd like to report my best friend for being too supportive

pete: Sammy I'm actually gonna cry but I'm blaming it on the sleep deprivation. You're a fucking sap oh my god

sammy: lmao just get some sleep petey

pete: We've been over this, you're not allowed to call me that Ever

sammy: p e t e r

pete: FINE fine I'm going to sleep

pete: Love u no homo <3

sammy: hahah yeah

sammy: <3

\--

you construct intricate rituals, 8:35 a.m.

gaybi has unmuted the chat

gaybi: WHO THE FUCK PUT JELLO ON EVERYTHING IN THE TEACHERS LOUNGE AND HOW DID THEY GET IT ON THE CEILING

paldonado has unmuted the chat

paldonado: Per Sam's request

gaybi: W H O D I D T H E J E L L O S H I T

fearlessjournalist: scroll up ;)

nohomo: fuck yeah

paldonado: American Vandal Season 3: The Jello Jesters

gaybi: hshsnsh

fearlessjournalist: and this is why we gave me the creative freedom of coming up w the episode names in season 1

nohomo: GUYS 

nohomo: so APPARENTLY there are fuckin security cameras and shit in the teachers lounge and uhh im screwed lmao

paldonado: I should've told the school board to lock you up when I had the chance...

fearlessjournalist: HAHAHHSHSJ DYLAN

gaybi: ah yes bc every school board has the power 2 arrest their students

paldonado: You know what I meant >:/

nohomo: anyway im pretty sure theyre abt to call my ass down to the office rip

gaybi: f 

fearlessjournalist: f

paldonado: F.

gaybi: you ruined the aesthetic :( 

paldonado: Exactly.

fearlessjournalist: peter's MIND oh my god,

nohomo has muted the chat

gaybi: hshnsh they just called him out of hr

fearlessjournalist: get footage of him leaving dramatically in case peter wasn't joking abt se3 lol

paldonado: I was joking. But still get a video, I want to relish in his failure.

gaybi: ouch lol

gaybi: heslammedthedoorimhollering.mov

fearlessjournalist: HSJNSNSGSJ 

fearlessjournalist: TAG YOURSELF IM SHAPIRO LOOKING @ THE CAMERA LIKE SHES JIM FROM THE OFFICE

paldonado: Dylan is Sam getting dragged on twitter for saying he likes Captain America more than Iron Man & Shapiro is me watching his follower count drop

fearlessjournalist: FUCK YOU PETER

fearlessjournalist: CAP IS UNDERRATED & TONY STARK IS A RICH SNOBBY ASSHOLE

paldonado: Fool. 

gaybi has muted the chat

fearlessjournalist: F U C K 

nohomo has unmuted the chat

nohomo: hahah hey guys im totally ignoring the lecture theyre giving me abt destruction of school property & all that shit and i wanted to tell u guys to spread the word that i did this when th

gaybi: oh my god they killed him

fearlessjournalist: damn

fearlessjournalist: dylan maxwell jello'd the teacher's lounge send tweet

paldonado: If they took his phone how did he hit send?

nohomo: fuck

nohomo: sorry guys i live for the drama

fearlessjournalist: Don't We All

gaybi: ok but seriously how did you cover the ceiling with it i'm--

nohomo: dedication

paldonado: Insanity.


	2. chaotic gay energy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which peter and sam get detention and dylan and gabi are the founder & president of the eldonado club

you construct intricate rituals, 4:03 p.m.

fearlessjournalist: HHSNSNSGHS YA L L

nohomo: miss me w that cowboy shit

gaybi: if you ever use that term again i WILL slaughter you 

fearlessjournalist: HHHFUCK

fearlessjournalist: PETER GOT DETENTION AFTER SCHOOL TODAY FOR HSHSNHFUCKI NG

gaybi: ??! for what omg

fearlessjournalist: JhahsnhsHHH

gaybi: SAM

nohomo: dudeee peter got detention?! he's growing up holy shit :')

gaybi: sam What did he do??

fearlessjournalist: HHNNNG MR ROSWELL WAS GIVING A LECTURE ON THE GAYS IN HEALTH & HE WAS BEING SUPER HOMOPHOBIC LIKE "MEN AND WOMEN WERE CREATED TO BE TOGETHER HOMOSEXUALITY IS BIOLOGICALLY AND RELIGIOUSLY WRONG" AND PETE FUCKIBF Hhhh

gaybi: oh god

gaybi: sam w h a t

fearlessjournalist: HE RAISED HIS HAND & ROSWELL CALLED ON HIM AND YOU COULD TELL HE WASNT EXPECTING ANYTHING BC PETER IS LIKE SUPER RESPECTFUL AND EVERYTHING AND HEJUST GOES, REALLY POLITELY,,, "so youre saying being gay is wrong??" & ROSWELL GOES "gay men make me puke" AND PETE FJDJDNK

fearlessjournalist: PETER SAYS "dont deepthroat so far then" AND THE L O O K ON ROSWELL'S F A C E

gaybi: holy SHIT im SCREAMING

nohomo has changed their username to fullhomo

fullhomo: what a legend 

fearlessjournalist: & I FLIPPED ROSWELL OFF WHEN HE GAVE PETE DETENTION A SECOND AGO SO NOW I HAVE DETENTION TOO HAJSNSG

gaybi: S A M 

fullhomo: i'm proud

paldonado: I'm only on my phone because I asked to go to the bathroom. Sam, WHY DID YOU DO THAT

fullhomo: oh fuck he's mad lol

paldonado: You don't need another detention on your record!! This is my second offense and you have way more. There was literally no reason for you to do what you did. That goes on your permanent record, man. What the hell.

gaybi: (sips tea)

fearlessjournalist: im sorry for showing solidarity?? pete it was a joke,,

gaybi: also i feel like we should acknowledge that peter said,,, THAT to a teacher but still got permission to leave class to get on his phone

fullhomo: yea whats that shit abt what game are u playing peter

paldonado: Okay FORSTLY

paldonado: F U C K

fearlessjournalist: im struggling not to laugh rn

gaybi: f o r s t l y 

fullhomo: pete pls continue

paldonado: Thank you Dylan

paldonado: I didn't MEAN to say that to Roswell,,, it was Reflex to respond to homophobia with a comeback and that just,, popped into my brain right then and I word-vomited it. I really genuinely didn't mean to.

fearlessjournalist: ok valid

fearlessjournalist: & probably true bc you could see the regret in his face after he said it,

fearlessjournalist: it was so fuckinh funny 

gaybi: honestly?? same energy as when sam asked mr. fernandez if he ate shit

fullhomo: T R U E

paldonado: Anyway we have 30 more mins before detention so I'm going back to class.

fearlessjournalist: i'll keep yall updated on what happens in roswell's class

gaybi has blocked fearlessjournalist

paldonado: God I wish that were me.

fearlessjournalist: ??

paldonado: I wish I had the emotional capacity to block you.

fearlessjournalist: damn

fullhomo: sam got dragged

fullhomo: anyway me and the wbb are having a party tonight so swing by if you can!! it starts at nine or ten or whenever u guys wanna come over 

fullhomo: we're shooting bottle rockets off the roof

paldonado: Uhh

gaybi: we'll be there!!

paldonado: Shit

fearlessjournalist: gabi said we're going didn't she 

paldonado: Yep

fearlessjournalist: Y E S

\--

be gay, solve crime, 6:03 p.m.

sammy: heyy you're not actually mad at me are you??

pete: No!! 

pete: I was annoyed a little at first but it's fine, I get it.

pete: What are you wearing to Dylan's party thing?? 

sammy: oh thank god

sammy: just what i wore today

sammy: why? are you asking for advice?? arw you trying to impRESS SOMEO NE 

pete: You're on crack.

pete: And no lol, if I was trying to impress anyone you'd be the last to know.

sammy: whats That supposed to mean 

pete: Nothing I'm just joking around lol

\--

wlw mlm solidarity, 6:07 p.m.

samtheman has sent a screenshot

gaybi: PETE THINKS HE'S SMOOTH SHSNSH

samtheman: ??? what does it ME A N 

gaybi: u are hopeless my good bitch

gaybi: he meant that youre oblivious as Fuck and would be the last to know if he was trying to impress YOU 

samtheman: wait really??! wh a t

gaybi: i need to teach you how to read between the lines sigh 

samtheman: how do i know if he really likes me though

samtheman: gabs this is important

gaybi: just ask?

samtheman: I Would Rather Saw Off My Own Left Foot With A Butterknife

gaybi: damn ok

gaybi: just dont come crying to me when someone else snatches him up. u had ur chance hoe

samtheman: ow my one emotion 

\--

you have been stopped, 6:10 p.m.

americanapparel: He's so fucking stupid please help

nohomo: what'd he do?? 

americanapparel has sent a screenshot

americanapparel: "What's that supposed to mean" holy FUCK you absolute nimrod I LOVE YOU

nohomo: yikes

nohomo: pete dude just tell him

americanapparel: ??! NO 

nohomo: you're gonna hate yourself if you don't 

nohomo: you've gotta tap that before someone else does man

americanapparel: 1) Ew 2) I guess that's valid. When should I tell him?

nohomo: how abt tonite??

americanapparel: No.

nohomo: then when? don't be a wuss pete

americanapparel: ALRIGHT fine. 

americanapparel: But you owe me burritos for like a week. 

americanapparel: Double if he rejects me.

nohomo: you got it, man

nohomo: but i seriously don't think that's gonna be a problem

\--

friends by association, 6:14 p.m.

gabs: HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT DID PETER SAY HED TELL SAM TONIGHT

dyl: YEAH THAT SHIT ACTUALLY WORKED

gabs: HOLY FUCK

gabs: SAM SAID HED SAY SOMETHING TOO

dyl: Y E S

gabs: I KNOWWW

gabs: IM SO EXCITED

dyl: !!!!!! THEYRE FINALLY GETTING THEIR SHIT TOGETHER

gabs: THANK GOD


End file.
